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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Tortoise Hare/Circling

Tuesday and a bit of relief - worked like a banshee on the IRS settlement offer yesterday only to find out, at the end of the day, that my accountant secured a 10 day extension. Kind of glad I didn't know or I might have slackened my efforts. Today I'm in good shape with just a few loose ends to chase down - the rest of the work is hers. Do you adore your accountant like I do? If not, be jealous of me cuz mine is like a mother to me - nurturing, scolding, a shoulder to cry on, life-saver, and a good friend. She and I have even made cookies together!

Last night Petterino's with Janet, Curt, Judy and Bernie. Fun evening - we all sang exceptionally well!  I brought out a new piece, a medley of two songs: My Shining Hour and I'll Be Seeing You.  Janet sang a terrific Eva Cassidy version of Autumn Leaves with Curt on the piano. And lately, Petterino's has been fun and unpretentious. The socialites haven't been around so it's just us "normal" people who somehow make due without a stable of horses, a couple of Rolls Royce's complete with driver, or an entourage of hangers-on like that certain philanthropist who's been known to show up with a dozen sycophants in tow.

Woke in the night hungry. I've gotten really serious about the weight loss and I have a goal to be down 15 pounds by Jan 1st. That may sound like a humble goal to you, but for me, who loses a quarter of a pound at a time, it will take a herculean effort. To lose 2 pounds/week, I can't screw up even once in the week. What's more, I can't seem to lose well with the Weight Watchers points I'm given (29), so I've cut that down to 20 and I don't use any of the extra funny money points they give you to "spend" in the week. For those of you who don't know the WW plan, 20 points is about 1,000 calories. Getting used to a nagging, hungry feeling in my belly. What's interesting is that the more you ignore hunger, the less it bothers you. Maybe it's the Landmark training of learning to give up the feeling that "something is wrong here".  Learning to decouple the hungry feeling from the action of eating. It's not the worst feeling in the world although it does tend to wake you in the night.

Kaveh would hate that I still believe my excess weight is standing in the way of love. He is of the school that the form we find ourselves in is largely irrelevant - that true love trumps all that. I think he's wrong - I believe we're biologically programmed to only fall for people who please us visually. And that doesn't mean we can't fall for someone who is less than perfect  - it's just the getting-to-know-you package that limits choices when it's unappealing. So lose the rest of the weight I must if I'm going to find my extraordinary man. And ha! Kaveh's wife? He didn't settle! She is drop dead gorgeous, brilliant and an heiress.

Today, I'm embracing the idea of circling back and back again and back again until you get something right and ingrained. It's so easy to be excited about some new initiative, a new self help book, a new friend. In time, if you're like me, a certain amount of ennui sets in and you crave something new to fire your brain. Danger with that, though, is displacing something good with a new shiny focus. And yet, our foundations are built on repeating that which is good even when it becomes rote or uninspiring. What I'm also realizing is how fragile my ecology is. A good habit today is a forgotten, discarded habit tomorrow.

That's where the circling back comes in. The worthy things need nurture, care and focus. Remember when I was pumped up by the book Getting Things Done?  I put in place many of the tenets of that book but there is so much more I didn't incorporate. Next week I'm going to a seminar in Chicago that they're hosting, with the thought that I'll take the lessons "home", incorporate them more fully, implement tools (like apps on my phone, etc) that will support the methodology. And my 10,000 steps habit failed when I blew out my knee from over-exercising. Now the knee is better and I have to circle back and reclaim that excellent habit. In the last week, since the trip to Baltimore (that upset my apple cart and routine), I failed to make my daily monster list. Something as stupid as a disruption to my routine and losing my list notebook, derailed that habit. Again, the need to circle back and reclaim it. Today, found a new notebook and made the list and I'm on track once again.

Challenge today could be thinking about this subject. Think back to positive initiatives you put in place in your life that got derailed for one reason or another: a diet, an exercise plan, a budget, weekly night out with your husband. Why did you stop the new protocol? Can you circle back and reclaim the initiative?  Easy to get excited and put into practice something new. Harder, I think, to keep something in play once the luster has dulled. But good. It's the stuff of success. That whole tortoise and hare thing.



  1. You wrote: "I still believe my excess weight is standing in the way of love". I guess that COULD BE true of a perspon, but only if one considers that one might not be loving him or herself unconditionally, or enough, at a particular weight. Let's all love ourselves as we ARE, everyday. Be happy that we are alive, vigorous, engaged and have a healthy, working body, no matter the weight. In the post above, it seems that the weight question is a barrier, an impediment that you are creating for yourself.

  2. Yes, it's a point well taken! I want to believe otherwise, have been counseled to believe otherwise, and yet....too often it seems to be a real impediment, not one of my making. I just don't know, confused and conflicted on this topic. I would take everything I say with a grain of salt - no real wisdom on this topic, probably dysfunction.

  3. From what you have written in the past, your weight probably WAS an impediment, but you said you've lost at least the weight of one good sized person over the last years. Now you are in the zone where "excess weight" as an encumberance to being attractive to someone is not the factor it once might have been. Besides have all the sveldte people you know found love, and only the heavy people are still searching?