Smile/Thrashing Like a Fish on a Line

It's Saturday and I'm in the office to write this blog.   Most of you know that I don't have a computer or TV at home.  It's one of those "know theyself" things.   I can sink to the lowest common denominator and give a whole afternoon over to mindless surfing or watching and there's no time for that.   There is so much to do, to accomplish - I'm jealous of my time and my mind and I don't want to give it over to a box with light coming out of it.

Last night, Schaller's in Bridgeport.  Dorothy and Mike joined me there which was great - Mike feels home at Schaller's having grown up in that South Side neighborhood.  They also love the old songs. And then a guy from the Internet dating site, who I'd never even spoken with, showed up.   He had asked me the name of the bar I sing at on Fridays - I told him and never thought he'd really show.   He was tall and handsome but quiet and with the loud music playing, I'm afraid he and I barely got to know each other.  Was I rude to him?  Maybe.  I can be aloof when I first meet someone.  And then Christ showed up.   I hadn't seen him for almost a month.   We text all the time but no face time. He is the only man I've been animated about since P., but he says he isn't ready to date after a bad split so friends it is.  It was a bit strange to have two men at the table, one whom I really like but....and the other someone new.  Not sure what they thought about each other and not sure what Dorothy and Mike thought - probably thought I was a player! (which I'm not).  Or maybe I am cuz I have a date on Wednesday with Ed, a psychologist who was, at one point, a sex therapist!   He and I had dinner last week and this will be date #2.

Dorothy said something uncanny last night.  She asked me to learn the song, "Smile".  The reason it was uncanny is because I have been giving a lot of thought lately to what people can do to change their thought patterns.  My brain has been stuck for the better part of a year now and I'm starting to worry that, what started out as normal grieving, has become my new way of being - that it's my new norm to spend hours each day wishing and wanting and longing for someone I can't have - someone who left almost eight months ago.   Scary to think that I might never get over him despite everyone assuring me I will.   It IS possible that I won't - there ARE people who never let go and who are haunted for the rest of their days by the loss of a love.

I'm like a fish on a line, thrashing for my freedom, trying this and that, making headway only to be reeled back in by my own obsessive mind.   It just won't do.  And so, I am trying something new (something I haven't shared with Dorothy).  When I think of him, rather than allowing myself to feel bereft and cry, I am smiling.  And I talk audibly to myself as I smile.   I say things like, "Thank you Patrick for loving me. Thank you, thank you. Thank you.  What beautiful memories you gave me.  I am so lucky and blessed to have been in a mutual head over heels loving relationship with you - not everyone gets that.  And I had you for two whole months that, while we were together, felt like years." And if a tear leaks out, I tell myself they are tears of joy.   I can't control his visits to my head, but what I CAN control is how I frame the thoughts.   By welcoming the thought of him and expressing gratitude and smiling, I have to think I can fix some of the sad pathways that have become entrenched.

Today I googled "Benefits of Smiling" and here is a short list of why we should smile:

1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive  We are drawn to people who smile. There is an attraction factor. We want to know a smiling person and figure out what is so good.  

2. Smiling Changes Our Mood  Next time you are feeling down, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood.

3. Smiling Is Contagious When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you. 

4. Smiling Relieves Stress Stress can really show up in our faces. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, and overwhelmed. When you are stressed, take time to put on a smile. The stress should be reduced and you'll be better able to take action. 

5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System  Smiling helps the immune system to work better. When you smile, immune function improves possibly because you are more relaxed. Prevent the flu and colds by smiling. 

6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading. Then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference? 

7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin  Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug. 

8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. Don't go for a face lift, just try smiling your way through the day -- you'll look younger and feel better.

John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons who wrote the song, Smile,  were ahead of their time.  The lyrics express what I'm going for perfectly.   If you come to Schallers' I'll sing this song for you.

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

The challenge today is obvious.   Smile.

Peace,
Sarah