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Saturday, September 22, 2012

Good Liar/Dating Game

'Tis Friday! Tonight a huge crowd at Schaller's. It will, I'm sure, be a high energy night with lots of laughter and great singing! We will blow the roof off that little bar! Going to bring out a new medley tonight - two songs that go so well together: Shining Hour/I'll Be Seeing You. Anne Hampton Callaway performs these two songs together - copying her. Rest of the weekend, the same old fare - again no date for Saturday which is JUST not right! This whole being single thing is frustrating. The online dating thing should be the ticket to meet new people but for some reason, it just isn't. It's like everyone on that site has dating paralysis - they go through the motions every day to check out a few new people, leave a message or two, maybe even chat, but it all seems like a chore.

Yesterday I chatted with a gent who was a "very attracted" to me but he confessed he was probably not what I was looking for (think my profile may be daunting). I reviewed his answers to the myriad of questions that are available for you to answer and provide more insight. Right away I discerned he was a pot smoker, in sales and hating it, and most troubling were his answers to questions designed to illuminate his character. To the question, "Are you a good liar," he answered, "yes". "If you could get away with it would you sleep with your significant other's best friend?" Yes again. Stuff like that. When I told him his answers were a blazing red flag to me, his response was, "I am a good liar. I'm in sales. It goes with the territory."  Seriously!!! I'm in sales and I consider it an honorable profession. Lying to your clients!!??  No way. Lying period - to anyone - nope. It's no way to live.

Josh and Shay think I'm setting my sights too high - holding out for someone extraordinary (like my last boyfriend). I can't imagine I would ever be happy with someone who didn't measure up to him - I would always be wistful that I had settled. And yet, lonely in my ivory tower over here. Second rate guys buzz around me, want me, and I choose to be alone.

Josh and I concocted a plan - we're both stuck in dating inertia and know we just have to get out there. We have a series of dating bets, kind of like Project Runway where each week there is a new and ever more bizarre challenge. Here's what we've come up with so far. First challenge - go on a date that culminates in a romantic kiss and a promise of a second date. It's sudden death - whoever gets the date first wins, with the loser having to buy the other an expensive dinner. Second challenge - go on a date with someone 15 years your junior or senior. Third challenge - go on a date with someone of the opposite sex you normally date (that means a woman for me and a woman for Josh since he's gay). Fourth challenge - invite a total stranger/date to a double date where we four will carve pumpkins.

Last night blew off Landmark "Being Extraordinary" seminar - I was not extraordinary and need to own up to that. These days I'm working the "good to my word integrity" thing really hard. Punctuality is an area where I'm learning to excel. As such, I allowed for an hour plus of travel time for what is a 35 minute ride with no traffic. Construction on Lake Shore Drive meant I didn't get into the city until 7:10 (10 minutes late) and once in the city, my Garmin got dyslexic. "Take a right here. No take a left. Make an immediate u-turn". She seriously has serious issues around skyscrapers or something. Infuriated to be lost in a town I know well (the meeting was offsite), not able to see the street signs because they are all but unreadable at night, late and out of integrity with my group - and when you walk in late to a Landmark session, there are disapproving glances all over the place. So, I just said, "Fuck it," and went home. Two plus hours in the car for nothing.

To salvage the evening, Josh, Shay and I went to a male gay bar owned by a friend of mine - Big Chicks in Uptown. I'd never been there and always promised her I'd check it out. Josh is determined to get a date and win the bet. I was the only woman in the place and it was so strange to be with so many men, knowing that not a one was attracted to me. They barely noticed me. Josh struck out; Shay slept in the car the whole time; we went home to bed feeling out of step with the social scene.

Today, no lofty thoughts - just putting one foot in front of the other, trying to wrap the week up in an honest productive way. For today's challenge you might want to give thought to the whole "Being Extraordinary" thing. I'm going to have to get the assignment for this week which will build on homework from previous weeks. The muscles we're trying to build so far are:

  • Integrity - being a person whose word is gold. If you stagger home after a horrible day, collapse on the couch and your cat reminds you that you promised her you'd get cat food on the way home from work, you'd better get your ass off the coach and get the cat food. And it's not just the promises to others. If you make a commitment to yourself, being a person of integrity is keeping that word too. Two days ago, I made a commitment to myself to NOT go to Patrick's Facebook page anymore - so far so good. I plan to keep that promise to myself.
  • Giving up being right, even when you know you are. Try this, it's really hard but wow, practicing this opens up whole new ways of communicating with people.
  • Give up the feeling that "something is wrong here". This one is tricky. When you're in a situation that feels wrong, or you're just having a misfiring day, it's easy to become dour and unproductive and negative. Better to say, "Hmmm....this is unexpected....what to do."
  • Live powerfully through communication without the use of force. This is what Christ practiced the other day in the breakthrough conversation he had with his son (talking about my friend Christ, not the guy on the cross) - listening in a different way, having each conversation be an invitation to greater intimacy.
Have a great day, beloved readers.


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