Hide Sarah's Uzi/Craig Dietz

Ah.....Mondays. Is it weird that I look forward to Mondays, these days always glad the weekend is over, glad to have survived it! Sarah and down time with time to think about the things that make me sad is not a good combination. Sunday no Schaller's - Bobby wasn't there so Adrienne and I went to the piano bar at Maggiano's and salvaged the evening - sang well. Saturday, day spent with a fellow from the American Cancer Society - the liaison to the Women's Club. On Thursday he came to the WC and asked for help with a couch throw he was trying to make for a cousin's wedding anniversary. I tried to punt (too busy, don't need the $ - he was willing to pay) but when no one seemed willing to help him I relented. Saturday found me in a terrible mood - Weight Watchers weigh-in - stayed the same. If I had had an Uzi, I swear I would have sprayed the entire place with bullets - I was that pissed off. I had an absolutely perfect week - No! better than perfect! On WW, I'm allotted 29 points, each point roughly the equivalent of 50 calories. On top of that, each week you can use an extra  49 points if you want (kind of like funny money). If you spread them evenly over the course of the week that would give you 36 points a day. I've found that I can't lose weight with the amount of points I've been given. Because I'm dead serious about taking this weight off, a few weeks ago I decided to dig deeper and cut my points to just 20 - and that is what I've religiously eaten for the past two weeks, give or take a point.

And what does that look like? Here's a typical Sarah eating day:

Breakfast

• 1/2 c. oatmeal
• berries
• 1 c. 2% milk

Lunch

• Lean Cuisine

Afternoon Snack

• 1 apple sprinkled with cinnamon

Dinner

• 3 oz roasted chicken
• 1/2 c. brown rice
• squash with 1 tsp butter or olive oil

Evening Snack

• piece of fruit

This is how I've eaten for two weeks solid. The first week I lost 1.8 pounds. Last week, stayed the same.  Seriously??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I'm beside myself. So you're thinking I'm deluding myself that there is no frigging way I ate like that and didn't lose weight.  Ah....what isn't she telling us? What about all the nibbles she's not counting? The latte at Starbucks, the handful of almonds, the seven bananas that she's not counting because fruit is free.  Nope....none of it.  Nothing passes my lips but the 20 points as in the example given. I drink water, when I go out I have soda water with a splash of cranberry juice and a lime (OK, granted I didn't count the splash of cranberry but that's about the only unrecorded calories).  

Yesterday my fury translated into a "fuck you" attitude. Luckily I didn't do much damage - a handful of M&M's at the Women's Club audition, a tablespoon of peanut butter, an Irish coffee at 12 West Elm where I sang. Even when I fall off the wagon, it's pathetic - I don't even do that right!  No pizza, no Haagen Daaz!  

Thinking there are two types of people - two ways to go with a nut that doesn't want to be cracked.  A) Just give up B) Dig even deeper.  So this is what I'm going to do. I am going to eat 15 points a day for the remainder of the week (got to undo the damage from the Irish coffee, M&Ms and the peanut butter) That's five days of about 750 calories. When I get on the detested scale on Saturday I had better see a loss or I'm going to do something entirely different - liquid protein, something!!!!!!!! 

Not happy these days. Every day I wake up rested and determined to have a good day. My natural way of being is sweet and optimistic. I take excellent care of myself and try to make a difference in other peoples' lives. I hold myself accountable and set high goals while still taking time for fun and silliness. I love my friends and family with passion and show it with kind words and walk-the-walk deeds. I am proud of myself, my accomplishments, the person I am.  I think I'm the real deal.......and yet.

So, pity-fest today - pathetic. And I know it's obnoxious when people point out just how wonderful your life is and how much worse it could be, but thinking I need a dose of that this morning. I will focus on and think about a fellow I saw on TV when I was at the salon. Maybe you've seen him. His name is Craig Dietz. He is an attorney for a small town in a state I can't remember. He is also an athlete and swims competitively. He's really handsome - a man's man. I found myself attracted to him (remember thinking to myself, "I'd do him!")  He also has no arms or legs - none - not even stumps. But he loves his life. When the interviewer asked him if there was anything he wanted to do that he couldn't he thought about the question for a moment - really searching his brain for an honest answer. Finally he said, "Nothing. There is nothing I can't do that's important to me." 

Challenge for today is being inspired by a fellow who is living life well with no arms or legs. He's powerful, happy, sexy, accomplished. As for me - time to armor up and take these life challenges on with earnest. I would be a wimp to let the stupid scale defeat me. Too much rests on me losing the rest of my weight: my health, my mobility, the way I feel about myself, my attraction. This isn't rocket science. Watch me win this one. Just watch me.

Peace,

Sarah