Porous/Sweat=Elixer of Life

Here at the office with Joey chewing contentedly at my feet. I routinely buy him raw bones from the local butcher - Buddy Bones - keeps him occupied for hours. Between Shay and Victor I'm going to get this office move accomplished well. All the office furniture is on Craig's List and we're getting action - just sold a bank of vertical file cabinets for $400 and we've got a Christian school looking at the ten cubicles. My life is about to get a LOT simpler! Phew! And 40 is the new 30 when it comes to exercise. Last couple of days, I've ratcheted up my minutes on the elliptical - toying with the idea of putting in a full hour each morning - at least 45 hard, sweaty minutes. I have Chris Crowley's (Younger Next Year)  words ringing in my eyes - a full hour of aerobic exercise taken daily is the proven fountain of youth. Every morning I sweat like a horse - the stuff drips off of me, stinging my eyes, drenching my clothes, making my hair so wet it looks like I just took a shower. I embrace sweat - it is welcome and I suspect if I Googled "sweat", I would discover all kinds of interesting facts about the benefits of sweating: a way to rid your body of toxins, purification of pores, oxygenating the skin, the moisturizing effects, a great hair product (only wash my hair weekly so I just blow dry my sweaty hair), and more. I just made all this up so don't take it as gospel, but I think I'm on to something! Sweat=elixer of life!

I'm thinking about and looking forward to dinner with Patrick this Saturday. It's been almost a year since we broke up (June 13th) and what a year it's been. Somehow he and I are finding a new way of being with each other. He is precious to me well beyond any romance. I'm glad we can be friends. Really glad.

And that brings me to what I want to talk about today. Porous. This word, as used to describe a way of living, first hit my radar when I started therapy with Kaveh. At the onset, I asked him how the whole therapy thing was going to work - would he come to love me? I think I assumed you couldn't go really deep with someone and not develop strong feelings. His answer was important advice not just for therapists but really for anyone seeking happiness. He said there are two hallmarks of good therapists, two critical components that must be in place for the therapist to be efficacious and stable. Too many therapists, he said, are not OK themselves - they bring their own longings and baggage into the therapeutic room and pollute the healing process. To be good, a therapist has to constantly do his own work, tend his garden, make sure his home life is happy and that he's getting his needs met there. Secondly, good therapists are brave and allow themselves to be penetrated by their clients. Rather than putting up walls and hard boundaries, good therapists aren't afraid to share themselves when it's beneficial to the patient. They allow themselves be affected by their clients, to experience whatever emotions come up for them in the session. That's not to say they just let it all hang out and act on those emotions, or even share those emotions as they surface - most of the time they keep their own counsel. But feel they do, and that's where the porousness comes in. Kaveh described how he allows himself to be fully penetrated by his patients but he doesn't hold onto the feelings. Instead, he lets them wash through him like he's a colander. Feel and release.

It's so Buddhist - feeling what you feel, experiencing it, rolling it around on your tongue, marveling, loving, and then sending it on its way with optimism and eager anticipation of the next wonderful thing that will present itself.  Kaveh may have an Islamic heritage, may celebrate Jewish holidays with his wife, may worship at the altar of Freud, but at the end of the day, I'm thinking he's all about Buddhism and non-attachment whether he knows it or not. He is loving the journey - wherever life takes him. And that's how I want to be - what I'm striving for. By letting go of expectations, by being optimistic about the future, by relinquishing control and letting other people drive the car - all of it sets the stage for life to be an impromptu magical showcase, one that is sure to surprise and delight.

The challenge today is giving thought to the idea of porousness. Some visualization might be in order - meditation even. Being porous is the opposite of being uptight, controlling or clingy. Being a porous person is laying down weapons and defenses and internalizing anything that comes your way. It's absorbing the positive and negative energy that is directed at you, letting it into your body, looking at it turning and examining it every which way without passing judgement or letting emotions (fear, anger, need) flare. It's saying "What's this?" to the emotions when they bubble up - greeting them with a "Hello old friend," visiting with them for a while, and then sending them on their way with an exhaling breath (or maybe sweat!).

I know the post today has been a bit airy fairy - could have done a better job expressing myself without getting all mystical and stuff because truly, being porous is not a mystical concept at all - it's a very practical way of living, one that makes loss and change bearable and allows you to move through transitions with grace and optimism.

Peace,
Sarah