Transitions/Integrity

Last night was the final session of The Landmark Forum - the night you come back after the grueling three days, talk about what it was like to take the new tools out into the world, discuss and strategize about obstacles you encountered, and more. It's also a night where you bring friends and family and there is a focus on offering to them the possibility of acquiring this education for themselves. Sometimes it felt pretty evangelical and sales-pitchy, but that's OK. The facts boil down to, this is an education for living that really works, helps people, believes in itself and needs to beat the drum to be self perpetuating. If you can't promote yourself and what you believe in, what can you promote? So I cut them slack for the full court press and sometimes sounding like mattress salesmen - there really is no room for subtlety when you have an urgent and passionate agenda. And some of my peeps were there - Elizabeth, Shay, Liza, James (Lucas and Convex) and Victor. I felt well supported and happy to have peeps. Catherine had a conference call she couldn't reschedule and Madeleine had to work. 


What I'm thinking about today is transitions and how difficult they can be. I'm starting to suspect that success in this world belongs to people who either have learned to manage well the transitions in a day or who just come by it naturally. I'm also thinking about integrity which was a huge theme over the weekend - being a person whose word can be counted on.

Yesterday Josh and I discussed the subject of transitions at length. Because we both work for ourselves in unstructured environments, managing transition and balancing work and home can be really tricky. When I'm working on a deadline, I'm a woman on a mission, single-focused, economy of effort, a cut to the chase worker. But, when I've just got a list of stuff I need to do sometime, I dally and doodle, talk on the phone at length about "important" stuff, fritter away the day too often. I succumb to the lure of my technology, checking in on Facebook, jumping like a Pavlovian dog when I hear a text come in, fooling around with my IPad, click, clicking the day away with little to show for it. I'm pretty sure that, now that I've identified the problem, there is a solution here - pretty sure it's going to come down to acquiring new mental muscle memory, laying down different habits which will feel forced at first but which will, in time, become rote.

I experienced this first hand with the vodka thing. Once I made a decision to give it up (except Federal holidays!), it was awkward and my mind was full of "dialogue" when I was in a situation where I would normally have a drink. "I'll have a martini. Oh, right, I'm not doing that anymore. But, I've had such a shitty day and why did I make that rule after all? If I have just one, it will be fine. I'm really a lot more fun when I have a drink - it is a Friday night after all. Everyone else is drinking - it's weird to be the only one not. This is really hard. Etc. Etc."  Such chatter in my brain over the decision! In the end, after listening to the "discussion", I'd make the right decision. "Patty, can I have a diet coke." And I would enjoy the diet coke and another and another. The next week, I'd remember how much the diet coke was fine, and the voices that challenged were much quieter. And the next week, it wasn't even a question - I looked forward to the cokes and relaxed into the evening in what had become a new familiar way of being. So, now when I go out, I rarely drink at all - not even wine. It just isn't me anymore. I'm a diet coke kind of gal. I've acquired a new habit, new mental muscle memory.

So transitions - should be able to apply the same principle, right? My next push for productivity will be holding myself to tough transition standards for two weeks - like a drill sergeant. Will make a list every day with start and stop times, set alarms throughout the day that signal when certain activities should start, keep a journal of how I spend every minute - be non-negotiable to my schedule. If someone calls to chat, I will postpone the chat until the time slot of the day designated as personal downtime. I know this sounds draconian but I think it is a worthwhile exercise for those of us who lose too many minutes to meaningless activities. The work day needs to be tough and efficient and structured for goals to be met. If you have a job you go to, chances are your work day is naturally well structured and none of this relates - or maybe it still does, if you spend a lot of time at the water cooler. I'm pretty darn sure that, in two weeks, there will be a new rhythm to my life where I'm able to fit a whole lot more work product into my day. I also think the benefit will be felt in my personal time as well - getting things done.

Finally, the integrity thing needs talking about - being a person who can be counted on to keep their word. It all starts with yourself. In the 7 Habits, Covey talks about the contracts you make with yourself as being the foundation for credibility in the world - they are the most important contracts we make. If we say we're going to do something and then fail to keep our word, bits of us die in disappointment. Every time you keep your word to yourself you grow in personal stature. And when you are a person who can keep your promises to yourself, you then have extra currency to spend in the world. People come to know you as a person that does what they say, that can be counted on. Word spreads, credibility grows. You're recommended for jobs, friends introduce you to other friends, people want you in their lives or on their projects. And this can't be faked - you can't be a person who fails to keep personal promises but tries to keep external commitments. The Forum leader, Kathy, would say that's putting icing on a mud pie. Covey would caution that people will see through you. Without being specific, I'm disappointed when friends and family say they will do something and then don't come through. I'm disappointed with myself when I do the same. And it's not a good/bad thing, right/wrong. I still love them and myself, it's more a matter of foundational trust. Who will you recommend for a job - the person who is never on time or the one who is dependable? It's ripping yourself off, not to be the person who can be counted on. There is a huge opportunity cost in being a person whose word can't be taken to the bank. Or to put it in positive terms, being a person with unflinching integrity is to be a leader.

In the past year, I've gotten sloppy with my word - making excuses when I don't follow through, cutting myself slack, being listless and careless with commitments. It's not who I've been historically - like martinis, it's something I've tried on for size (being irresponsible) and it's not a good new habit. Again, it takes mental muscle memory. Declaring the possibility that you can be a person who is good to their word - always, no matter how many obstacles are thrown your way, and then living into that possibility is the place to start. Not easy to put into practice but like anything - making intractable promises to yourself  that will result in a new way of being that will, in time, be as natural as breathing.

Challenge for today is giving thought to these two subjects: transitions and integrity. How are you managing your hour by hour transitions? Are you leaking time? And how good is your word - are you a person who makes a commitment and can be counted on - always?

Peace,
Sarah