Posters, Seriously??/Hedonic Adaption

It's Monday - almost 10 - gray and lazy day!!! Weekend was fine...good singing on Friday, great voice lesson Saturday and tons of errands including getting the tree which James put up for me Saturday evening. Sunday, Lucas with her broken hand over for breakfast, then made my famous better-than-sex chocolate cake for a Hanukkah party at Carla and Alan's. Also tucked in a quick visit to eldest daughter Catherine - klatched with her and her boyfriend David. The purpose of the visit was fetching seventeen beautiful paper stars I commissioned her to make for me. Holiday gift for Kaveh along with a cake - remember I said I would, each Christmas until I die or am incapacitated, send him eighteen gifts? Haven't spoken with him or thought about him too much since therapy ended early last month - I'm content with the journey being over. And yet...he will always occupy a roomy place in my heart, hence the annual remembrance. And eighteen presents is now a joke between us - also a tender memory of when I was so dependent on him. That lowest of years saw me buying him eighteen opulent, over the top gifts that awaited him when he returned from an eighteen day vacation to the Bahamas - totally inappropriate and I'm sure overwhelming. Now eighteen tiny appropriate gifts. Thinking next year, I'll make him a mobile with seventeen origami cranes (plus a cake).  I'll bet he thinks I'll forget him in time - that there will be a year when there will be no package. Actually I take that back - he knows me - knows that when I give my heart it is faithful.

Doing research for my tribute to Burt Bacharach show in September - a five CD collection of every song he wrote showed up in the mail and I've been listening to it over and over, mulling over which songs will make the cut. What I'm struck by is how many horrible songs he wrote! For every song of his we love there are probably three wretched ones. Really Burt - what WERE you thinking when your wrote some of these. One period in particular from the late '80's to the early '90's was, in my opinion, particularly abysmal   Songs written for and sung by black artists who tried to warble and wail their way through to recording hits - despite the fact the songs ramble, have unmemorable tunes and insipid lyrics - seems it was a low period for both Burt and Hal David (his lyricist who just passed away).  In the show, for comic effect, I'm going to do a medley of the worst of the worse songs. So - the show - it's really going to happen - booked firm. Did I mention this is really scary? It's my crossover into singing professionally. Point was hit home when Davenports reminded me they would need my posters for advertising a month in advance of the performance. Posters?? Seriously??  Good thing I have Josh to do the artwork!

So, what's animating you these days? I hope there is something you think about first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to bed that gets your juices flowing and occupies your mind happily. These days I split my focus several ways: the new eating initiative is exciting, I'm psyched about the Bacharach show, committed to implementing GTD (getting things done) and constant infrastructure improvements. But...putting  the love life to simmer on the back burner for now- just isn't working out. Thinking I'm not ready to move on quite yet or it would have happened by now. Someone told me it could take years to get over the loss of love. Seriously. Hard.

Reason I bring this up is because of an article I read in the NYT entitled "New Love: A Short Shelf Life". What struck me was less the focus of the article which was an explanation of why "wedded bliss has a limited shelf life" and more the reason why. Seems humans are prone to "hedonic adaption", "a measurable and innate capacity to become habituated or inured to most life changes."  Article goes on to describe how we quickly take positive experiences for granted - familiarity may not breed contempt but it breeds indifference. New love is very susceptible to hedonic adaption as are professional successes, material acquisitions, and more. "..we are biologically hard-wired to crave variety. Variety and novelty affect the brain in much the same way that drugs do - that is, they trigger activity that involves the neurotransmitter dopamine, as do pharmacological highs."

That's why I asked you what animates you these days. It probably didn't take a professor of psychology to tell us we need and crave variety to be happy. It's the reason why you might feel a bit blue this holiday season if what you're doing is what you've done every year for the past thirty - a lot of effort without a lot of novelty. It's why you might feel like a bad person to be unhappy when you have a life to be envied - having to remind yourself daily of how much you have while others in the world go wanting - wondering why you still feel flat. It's why your partner is starting to feel more like a sibling and less of a lover. "The first kiss was magic, the second intimate and the third, routine."

Challenge today could be taking this need for novelty seriously. What can you do that's out of the ordinary? I'm not saying cheat on your spouse, but how about surprising him or her with something out of character and unexpected?  Maybe take a totally different way home from work even if it's a smidge longer. How about scrapping the Christmas cookies and go caroling instead, even if you suspect you have a voice that sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard? Or think bigger - how about moving or going back to college or changing careers? 2013 is going to be a big year for me. Gonna turn everything on its head. Life=too short for a steady diet of predictable routine.

Peace,
Sarah