Dee-Dee and Sally/Surrounded By Death

Life goes on.....dealing with the logistics of Mark's passing, mostly fielding calls from people who were shocked to hear the news. And sweet that everyone is reaching out to me to ensure I'm OK. I'm totally fine for the record which makes me sad. I shouldn't be totally fine. Thought about it this morning and what makes me saddest is that I honestly believe there is not a single person in the world who is feeling a heart loss over his death. Put another way, I don't think he was loved by a single soul. I was very fond of him but he was too prickly to love. His father passed away a year ago. His mother and he had parted ways years ago - there was no relationship there. His step-sisters tolerated him. Only friends were the similarly desperate pick-up guys who went bar-hopping with him looking for their perfect "10". Thinking it was too hard for him to live in a world without love. He just couldn't figure it out.

Getting a cold...ugh...fingers crossed it doesn't go into my chest and affect my singing. Taking ten year old Tamiflu left over from my flu preparations - hoping that will help stave it off.  Last night went to writing group. You won't be surprised that my writing was dark given the events of this week. James led the prompts and he gave us five first lines. Being the over-achiever I am, I used all five lines in my piece even though the directive was to use one.  I've underlined those first lines so you can see how I wove them into the piece. Here goes:

These were the first lines:

1. It was dark outside, and there were no stars to be seen.
2. The small meadow, surrounded by trees, had become my haven.
3. The hooting of an owl is what awakened me from a sound sleep.
4. When he awoke, the other side of the bed was cold and empty.
5. By the time I was ten, I had resolved to hide my mother's wooden spoon.

By the time I was ten, I had resolved to hide my mother's wooden spoon. It wasn't really hers anyway. What I mean is, it wasn't her idea to paddle DeeDee and me when we were bad. When Ma married Darryl, I mean Mr. Booth (we weren't supposed to call him Darryl 'cept we always did behind his back.) Anyway, like I was saying, when Ma married Mr. Booth, he gave her the wooden spoon - told her to use it - said something original like "Spare the rod and spoil the child." 

I only remember her using it once on DeeDee. Booth looked on - I remember that. DeeDee got a notion the house would look better red, so she crushed a bunch of berries in a jar and used it like paint. She didn't have a brush. I remember her smearing the berries on the white posts that held up the porch. At first, Ma laughed as DeeDee was a sight - think she got more berries on herself than the porch!. Then Booth came home and asked to speak with Ma privately - that's when she got the spoon out.

Think it was about a year later we lost DeeDee - still don't know what happened to her. I remember something woke me that night - maybe an owl is what woke me from a sound sleep, or maybe I witnessed a crime in my sleep. I just don't know. What I do remember is waking and finding DeeDee's bed cold and empty. Whenever I woke in the night I scurried to her bed - she did the same. More often than not, daylight found us snuggled together. That night, when I jumped in Dee's bed she wasn't there and the bed was stone cold. 

"Maybe she's in the kitchen," I thought. I remember being sure I'd find her sitting at the counter with a glass of milk and nibbling on oreos. But, no. I put my poncho on - or it might have been Dee's - being twins we had matching everything. I went outside hoping to find her on her favorite perch, the hundred year old stump of the elm that was the last in our town to die. I expected to find her there looking at the moon like she did when she was upset or sad. It was dark outside and there were no stars to be seen seen despite a huge moon. No Dee. 

A flicker from the small meadow caught my eye. I wasn't afraid, just getting really worried about Dee. During the day, the small meadow down by the road had become our haven - where we went to hide from Booth. I crunched my way down the gravel drive - I remember the sound of my bare feet on the gravel - seemed so loud and for some reason I felt the need for stealth.
And then, a shadow obscured my night vision. At first, I thought the bright moon had gone behind a cloud but no, it was Booth walking back from the meadow, headed back up the driveway. I'm thinking he heard me in the quiet night - my crunchy footsteps. 

"Go to bed, Sally. There's nothing to see here."  

"But Dee-Dee, I can't find her!" 

"Nonsense," said Booth. "You're just sleep walking again. Go back to bed."

And that is all for today. Just got word that one of my best friends, Pam lost her dad last night. Not unexpected. He was in hospice. Feeling touched by a lot of death lately - "proximity to death". Take away for you and me? Live well.

Peace,

Sarah