Lone Wolf/Smacks of Crack

Friday and the weekend is upon us - terrific! Having said "terrific" I have two back-to-back very sad Saturdays ahead of me. Tomorrow, the memorial for my friend's child who died of a drug overdose and next Saturday, visitation and a mass for my employee Mark who killed himself last week. Talked for the first time with his mother yesterday. She asked me to speak at the service which I'm happy to do. Don't think it's going to be all that easy to write a eulogy for Mark. Weird, right? Me of the many words? It's just that he was hard to love and the room will be filled with people wanting to pay their respects but who never really connected with him in a deep way. They will have their bullshit radar tuned for false accolades. If someone gets up there and waxes poetically about how Mark was loved by everyone he knew, that his passing will leave a big void for everyone who knew him. If they talk abut how sweet and generous he was, how he put people at ease, how he lived his life with generosity and acceptance, I won't be the only one in the room puking inside. None of that was Mark - he was a porcupine - hard to be close to. I believe he never experienced love in any form, either giving or receiving. So, the challenge will be to write something authentic that won't smack of crack. Tall order.

I've got wolves on the mind. Maybe because Mark was, to my mind, a lone wolf in search of a pack. Also, article Carol sent me entitled, In the Shadow of Wolves and Man written by David Gonzalez about photographer Christian Houge whose life work is photographing wolves up close and personal. And in keeping with the wolf theme, I keep coming back to a very insightful article Michael Moore wrote after the Sandy Hook killings - Celebrating the Prince of Peace in the Land of Guns. In it, Moore tries to get to the root of our society's ills, to make sense of the shooting, and talks about our country's lone wolf mentality.

Christian Houge had to learn the language of wolves and face his fears. He learned how to behave around wolves, allowing dominant members of a pack to actually greet him by putting their tongues in his mouth (a way of showing they're in charge). Love this quote:

The wolf pack that has longevity is a family," he said. "it is a pair, not one male, but a male and a female  If they are secure enough in themselves, they let the weak individual lead the pack. If one has a fantastic nose, even if it is weaker, they'll let it run first to lead the pack to the kill. These weaker individuals feel  a part of something larger - it's 'We need you for the pack to be stronger.' That's a perfect example of how business should be led - including people, not excluding...

And in the Michael Moore article, he identifies the "Me"society as being who we have become as a nation.

I think it's the every-man-for-himself ethos of this country that has put us in this mess and I believe it's been our undoing. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! You're not my problem! This is mine! 

Clearly, we are no longer our brother's and sister's keeper. You get sick and can't afford the operation? Not my problem. The bank has foreclosed on your home? Not my problem. Can't afford to go to college? Not my problem. 

And yet, it all sooner or later becomes our problem, doesn't it? Take away too many safety nets and everyone starts to feel the impact. Do you want to live in that kind of society, one where you will then have a legitimate reason to be in fear? I don't. 

I'm not saying it's perfect anywhere else, but I have noticed, in my travels, that other civilized countries see a national benefit to taking care of each other. Free medical care, free or low-cost college, mental health help. And I wonder - why can't we do that? I think it's because in many other countries people see each other not as separate and alone but rather together, on the path of life, with each person existing as an integral part of the whole. And you help them when they're in need, not punish them because they've had some misfortune or bad break. I have to believe one of the reasons gun murders in other countries are so rare is because there's less of the lone wolf mentality among their citizens. Most are raised with a sense of connection, if not outright solidarity. And that makes it harder to kill one another.

And then I'm reminded of the article I reference before, The Freedom of an Armed Society. To quote the author, Firm In Debrabander, "Our gun culture promotes a fatal slide into extreme individualism. It fosters a society of atomistic individuals, isolated before power - and one another - and in the aftermath of shootings such as at Newtown, paralyzed with fear. That is not freedom but quite its opposite.

Fact is too many of us ARE becoming lone wolves in search of a pack. Even me. I spend each day alone in my chic home office with little face time with other human beings. I write this blog in an effort to feel connected while the reality is, I have no idea if there are connections being made - I am "speaking" alone and into a black hole called Internet. And maybe you DO feel the spark of connectedness to me -  maybe once in a while my writing touches you. So there we are, maybe sharing a bit of connection but on the opposite sides of a bits and bytes cloud, feeling like something is missing.  Something IS missing.

Thinking much of this is an unintended consequence of the Information Age. So much information but so few connections between people. Love my weekly coffee klatching with my neighbor Una - she actually sits across from me in a REAL chat room! Challenge today could be doing a self-assessment.  How strong are your in-the-flesh connections these days?

Peace,
Sarah