Eulogy/Bit By The Blues

Friday...determined to have a good day despite the blues. Not sure where they came from but they're here. Really feeling the loss of YKW today, some tears. There is no one who comes close to claiming a spot in my heart the way he did. He just moved in, pitched his tent and voila..soon our hearts were beating as one. I fear I'll never have that again.

But.....if that's the case, I'll be damned if I'm going to just sit around and wait for something that may never materialize again. There is too much else to do, see, experience. And if that was it.....that one brief time...at least I had it. Some people go to their graves having never experienced the thrill of being in love. It's wonderful and terrifying all rolled up into an unforgettable experience.

Times like this I lean on infrastructure to keep me on course. Good habits, good mental practices. After this blog I'll force myself to write the list and work the list event though I'm tempted to just curl up with a book and eschew all responsibility. I'll get dressed, fuss with my appearance so that each time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror today it will bring an appreciative smile. Before all that, I'll take a moment for my daily "what was good about yesterday" rumination.  Didn't do it this morning cuz I had to jump out of bed and drive Elizabeth to the car mechanic. Then I'll catch up on work and if there's time, light a fire in the music room and work out some songs on the piano. Tonight Adrienne and I at the piano bar at Maggiano's with the   enthusiastic (and overinebriated) followers of Bob Solone. It will be diverting.

Got an email from Mark's mother telling me that she wants me to address my brief remarks and remembrances of Mark at the end of the visitation versus the memorial mass. Not sure what's going on but I can't imagine that there are people lined up to wax poetic about Mark (when I volunteered to talk it was in part because I was worried so few people would show up!) Maybe I got it wrong? Maybe there are a host of people who want to participate in the memorial. Maybe it will be SRO! Maybe Mark was more beloved than I ever dreamed! That would make me happy. Wrote her back and told her I wasn't planning on being there for the visitation - just the mass, so to count me out for speaking altogether.  I just couldn't get my arms around standing near what I assume will be an open coffin and addressing people who are coming in and out and milling around. Just seems weird.

So Mark's eulogy - what I wrote was very short and sweet and I was going to sing that "I'll be Seeing You" song right after reading it. But because it's not going to happen, I'll "read" the eulogy to you:

Hello Everyone,

I’m Sarah Britton and I was Mark’s boss and friend for more than ten years.  I asked to speak today because Mark and I were very much a part of each other’s lives. We talked at least several times a week – sometimes several times a day and our conversations weren't limited to business.

You probably knew when you asked Mark , “How are you?”  you had better settle in for a good long chat because Mark assumed you really meant it – that you wanted to know how he was.  In this way I got to know a lot about Mark and I was usually on the pulse of whatever new thing he was passionate about.

Passionate is a great way to describe Mark.  It’s what I loved best about him.  Once he got on a mission there was absolutely no stopping him.  Whether it was pursuing a sales lead or going to bat for a customer, or something personal like getting a buff body, learning to box, picking up girls or leading a healthier lifestyle – once Mark said he was going to do something, it was a done deal. You could take his word to the bank.

I’ll miss Mark. He was a very good employee.  Most of all he was a loyal and true friend. I wish he had known how much he meant to me (to all of us) at the end. I wish that the last time I spoke with him – several days before his death when I asked him, “How are you?” he had opened up his heart to me and not just put on a brave face.  I wish he had told me how he really was.

I’d like to sing this song for Mark.  Yeah, yeah Mark, as you’re looking down on us, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, God she’s going to sing one of those old-fashioned corny songs that I hate.”  Yup I’m going to sing for you so hold your angelic tongue and listen politely!  If you’re not careful we’ll spread some of your ashes in the suburbs so behave yourself up there!

I’ll miss you Mark.

And that is all for today. Your challenge today, if you're having the winter blues like me, is fall back on your infrastructure. You know what it is you need to do to take care of yourself. Self care at times like this = happiness, I'm convinced. You might be lonely, maybe anxious, depressed around the gills, but if you are taking care of yourself and your environment, it's bound to lift your spirits.

Peace,

Sarah

NADGB