Show Up/Vodka Haagen Dazs Smoothie

What a helluva week! Mark's death on Monday, all the calls to field from people expressing their condolences and sadness and wanting to understand. And then I got that awful cold that's going around which is knocking me flat on my ass. Ugh!!!  Thinking I'll get the minimum done in the next hour or two and then take to my bed for curative sleep.

Of course I'm still thinking about Mark and also the upcoming memorial service for my friend's child who died before Christmas. There will be a whirlwind of sadness in the weeks to come. Hoping to talk and maybe even sing at Mark's funeral. There is a medley I sing that would be perfect; two songs sung back to back. My Shining Hour/I'll be Seeing You.  Here are the words:

This moment, this minute and each second in it
Will leave a glow upon the sky
And as time goes by it will never die
This will be my shining hour, calm and happy and bright
In my dreams, your face will flower through the darkness of the night

Like the lights of home before me, or an angel watching o'er me
This will be my shining hour til I'm with you again.

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces all day through
In that small cafe; the park across the way
The children's carousel; the chestnut trees; the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
And everything that's bright and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun and when the night is new
I'l be looking at the moon but I'll be seeing you.

So, struggling today - glad the week is almost over. I'm all talked out with what little voice I have. And it's times like this when your world gets topsy-turved, that the infrastructure you've built needs to hold you. Care of friends and family, healthy routines, self-love and nurture. I am more convinced than ever that self care=happiness. 'Twould be so easy right now to unravel, drown my sorrows in ice cream and vodka (I wonder what that would taste like if I combined them - maybe a vodka Haagen Dazs smoothie?), I could easily say "Fuck it," and cook up a batch of peanut butter cookies and eat a dozen dunked in milk despite the fact I recently gave up wheat and most dairy. I could let the house get slimy with snotty tissues all over the place and trash and dishes piling up. After all I'm sad and sick - no one would fault me, right?

But..nah...it's all about "showing up" for your life - each day gratitude for what was good and that worked the day before and optimism for the future, even if you've just been hit by a landslide. Challenge could be asking yourself if you're taking care of yourself today. Are you focusing on the important things or letting yourself be distracted by stuff that should live in the fringe? Did you eat a healthy breakfast? What about lunch? Are your plans for the weekend creative and constructive. Do you feel alive or just like you're going through the motions of your life? If it's the latter, try and fix it sooner than later.

Show up for your own life.

Peace,
Sarah