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Friday, August 31, 2012

Helter Skelter/Every Burp of the Earth

It's really Thursday night after 11PM and I'm writing this early in anticipation of a busy day tomorrow. Bright and early conference call with a client who needs me to overhaul their network - that's what I do - tear it all down and then build it back better. Singing at Schaller's tomorrow evening and a holiday weekend that I hope is fun in some way. Wait, it's a federal holiday on Monday!!!! I get to have a martini!  Remember I gave up drinking anything other than an occasional glass of wine except on federal holidays. That was Lucas' idea - since then she has expanded the new rule to include my and her birthdays.  Hmmm...I don't really have much of a taste for hard liquor anymore after abstaining for so long and there is that whole euphoria that descends into midnight sobbing and embarrassing texting.  Lucas says not to worry. Prior to the martinis, she and Convex will take my phone and not give it back to me until the next morning.

So, I'm not OK today - just all talked out, off-base, and helter skelter. Eating was off today - carbs won the day and I didn't do my P.T. I also need quiet time in the office with no interruptions to get needed chores done and these days, it's all interruptions. Told Josh yesterday that I need some quiet reflective time with a spreadsheet. Sometimes, a good spreadsheet will quiet the mind. For my friend Tom, it's network drawings, for Josh it's drawing, for James it's writing or reading, for some old ladies in polyester pants it's time at the slot machines - the things we do to still our over-active minds. Some days, for me, it's doing dishes - the repetition, sound of water running, the warmness and slipperiness of the water.

So many incredible conversations, so many new people in my life - I can't keep track of all the friendly, inviting faces - people who have expressed interest in having a relationship outside the forum. And that's just the Landmark people. Dozens of names to learn at the Women's Club too. I've got to throttle this though - feeling overwhelmed with attention and affection. Not a bad problem, right??

Didn't finish this last night and today is a better day. Got back to basics and I'm working my way through another epic list today. I'm absolutely convinced that self care and getting things done are the non-negotiable keys to the car of happiness. Love the inspiration that has come to me in recent weeks, love the connectedness with friends and family, love my hummy little home with people helping and supporting each other. Love the possibilities - dreaming big, making brave plans. But most of all, I love the feeling of taking care of what's right in front of me. I'm building that muscle and I know it will get me where I want to be in all areas. Do you think it's weird that today, I'm more impressed with the fact that I did my P.T., got a box of books packed, cleaned out my purse, got cracking on a project for a client, and worked with Shay to correct some building violations for the tenants' apartments - than I am of all the marvelous plans I've been spinning?

Speaking of spinning plans, OMG - Lucas. She embodies boldness and bravery - makes me look like a wimp. Here's what's going on with her. You know she is the mother of three, her youngest having been struck deaf as a baby as a result of meningitis. She only recently consented to have him implanted with cochlear implants, overcoming her fears. At five years old he's way behind and once the implants are activated (two weeks from now), the big work begins. Just because sound will be presented to his brain, doesn't mean squat. Imagine you were given a brand new sense - I dunno think of something - being able sense what's going on deep in the earth. That switch is flipped and now, all at once, you are aware of every shift in the tectonic plates, you feel liquid moving beneath, you sense every grumble, every  burp the earth makes. None of it would make any sense at all - it would be an assault to your brain and only through experience would you be able to correlate your new sense with what's going on beneath.

So, Henry.  He needs the assistance of talented professionals who can help him to make sense of the new hearing so that he can learn to understand speech and eventually speak. Problem is there is no school locally that wants him, given how behind he is. Lucas, not to be daunted, researched the best programs in the State of Illinois and found a perfect one. Problem is that it's in Urbana - a three hour car ride from here. Most of us would move on to Option C or D. Not Lucas. She is going to make it happen - pushing down her fears and figuring out how she and Henry can be there four days a week, finding an apartment, learning to drive so they can do the commute. She is amazing and unstoppable.

All for today. Challenge is working with me in finding that sweet spot where you are full of hope, courage and dreams and yet have your feet planted solidly in your current reality (even though we know it's all an illusion, right?) Gotta thrive where you're planted and to do that you gotta take care of the garden, even though it's a repetitive daily chore.


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