7 Habits/Character

So why didn't any of you tell me about this book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People before? Seriously, is it some kind of conspiracy? All kidding aside, sometimes we are so lucky, blessed - whatever, to find what we need at the exact time we need it.  Right time, right place.  And truth be told, I have to claim some of the credit.  I DID seek it out, bought it, read it.  It's not as if I were walking down the street and a cleaning lady accidentally pushed a copy out the window as she was dusting a nearby shelf in an apartment above my head and the book landed at my feet.

There are people in this world I greatly admire and I've never been able to put my finger on what it is that makes them great - it's just been a gut feeling that when I'm with them there is authenticity and a core of strength that colors and drives everything they do, how they interact, how they see the world.  Any maybe they come by their strengths organically, or maybe they read this book at some point in their life and decided to walk their own walk.  I have a burning desire to know if they read and consciously incorporated the teachings of this book in their lives - if it was an important turning point for them.

And what is the difference between a person who reads a book like the 7 habits and takes it in deeply and makes fundamental changes versus a person who reads it and for whom there is no discernable difference in how they view the world?   I've asked a few people if they read this book (it seems I'm the only person who didn't) and most everyone says yes.   My next question is, "What did you get out of it?" or "What do you remember about it?" and disappointingly the answer is usually, "I don't remember much about it, just know that I read it years ago when it was first published."   Maybe because it is so fresh for me and also because I  am at the right place in my life for it, I can't imagine reading this book and not being humbled, optimistic, grateful and eager to do the work.

I know what you're thinking (oh, wait....one of the chapters is about not imposing your own autobiography on other people and assuming you know what they're thinking - oops!).  OK, I suspect that you might be thinking, "Here goes Sarah again with her book of the month inspirational thinking!"  By next month she will be on to something else, waxing poetic about something new and the 7 habits will be yesterday's news.   And I do worry about the "flit effect" - trying this, trying that, like a hummingbird seeking meaning and comfort here and there. Time will tell.   If this book is going to have the profound impact on my life that I think it will, you will be my witnesses and maybe be inspired to take it on too.

The first thought that resonated with me was Covey's research into the last 200 years of self-help, success literature.  In the first 150 years, the foundation of success was deemed to be linked to developing character:" things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty."   Only in the last 50 years has the emphasis changed to techniques for molding one's personality to bring about change.  Positive mental attitude (PMA) became the focus.  "Dress for success", "Fake it until you make it", "Believe and it will come true."   And it's not to say that some of these techniques aren't useful - they are.  But they should be recognized as the cosmetic stuff we do and not a substitute for character building.   I told Madeleine today it would be like making a beautiful apple pie with rotten apples.   Sure the top crust could be golden brown, brushed with egg white and sprinkled with sanding sugar to glow but it wouldn't fool anyone as soon as the first bite was taken.

I love this:

Many people with secondary greatness - that is, social recognition for their talents - lack primary greatness or goodness in their character.  Sooner or later, you'll see this in every long-term relationship they have, whether it is with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through an identity crisis.  It is character that communicates most eloquently.  As Emerson once put it, "What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say."

I am going to be a student of this book.  I might even start a study group around it.  In reading it, I wince over and over as I see myself reflected in the stories he tells.  I have some very big character deficits that I need to own up to and work on.  My raw material is good and, good for me that there is a desire to do the work to be a better person, but oh, how I wish I had taken this all on as a younger woman.  Think of the positive impact I could have had on my own and other peoples' lives.   It's not too late though.

The challenge today is to suspend belief that this is some new Sarah scheme that will fade away and be relegated to archived blog posts.  Those of you who know me, know I know quality, that I am a truffle snuffing pig when it comes to authenticity.  I don't always walk the walk but I know the real deal when I see it.  Stephen Covey is the real deal - he is worth studying.  If you read this book 15 years ago and it didn't have an impact, maybe it's because you were young and felt omnipotent and didn't need it.   Now, if you're like me, you are in a more open place, you realize your shit DOES stink, and you suspect there is a better way.  Will you buy a copy of the book and follow along with me as I talk about it?

Peace,
Sarah

"Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous power for good or evil - the silent, unconscious, unseen influence of his life.  This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be."
- William George Jordan