Hmmmmm....I just read an interesting article in the New York Times called "Anatomy of a Tear-Jerker". All of a sudden I feel predictable. So, back story. Sunday I got an e-mail from friend Carol telling me she was so struck by the physical similarities between the singer Adele and me - said she was my double (albeit younger). She messaged me during the Grammy's. I was aware of her a bit - Madeleine had me watch her video, Someone Like You, several months ago, and I barely made it through it. I listened to it again after Carol's e-mail and again, barely made it through. OK, truth be told I totally broke down and sobbed giant tears, gulped for air.
Now I realize I'm not unique - seems that song has that effect on a lot of people. According to the article, "researchers have found that certain features of music are consistently associated with producing strong emotions in listeners. Combined with heartfelt lyrics and a powerhouse voice, these structures can send reward signals to our brains that rival any other pleasure." Apparently there is a formula for a tear jerking song that includes things like, notes that clash with the melody just enough to create dissonance, "The songs begin with a soft repetitive pattern with lyrics that are wistfully restrained. This sets up a sentimental and melancholy mood". Then the chorus of the song (the middle part that is different) provides a dramatic shift. In Adele's case, her voice jumps up an octave and she belts out the notes with increasing volume. "The harmony shifts and the lyrics become more dramatic. When the music breaks from the expected pattern our sympathetic nervous system goes on high alert, our hearts race and we start to sweat. Depending on the context, we interpret this state of arousal as positive or negative, happy or sad." The obvious question - if a song produces intense sadness why is it so popular? Apparently, "even intense sadness releases dopamine in the pleasure and reward centers of the brain, similar to the effects of food, sex and drugs." The article concludes, "With Someone Like You, they crafted a perfect tear-jerker but also stumbled upon a formula for commercial success: Unleash the tears and chills with small surprises, a smoky voice and soulful lyrics, and then sit back and let the dopamine keep us coming back for more."
I knew it!!! Just yesterday didn't I say that both joy and sadness light up the brain in similar ways - that sadness can be addictive? I'm feeling a little genius. So what to do with this knowledge? Just be aware of it, I guess. Enjoy the tear jerking moments like you would a box of chocolates, but don't make a steady diet of them. Happiness and gratitude are better. Being perpetually sad is a bummer - it wears you down and is hard to be around.
So Adele. That song. I know it made you cry too, but really it belongs more to me. Carol knew it. She sent me the lyrics knowing that it almost perfectly captures how I feel about Patrick. I should have written those lyrics. What to do - I am all stirred up again, having just spoken to him and now this song that is firing off sad fireworks in my brain. Fucking dopamine. Knowledge=power. We always have choices. Lately I have given up vodka. Just an occasional glass of red wine with friends is my new thing. I am eating carefully. I am exercising. These are all choices. I choose not to be a budding alcoholic, drowning my sadness with liquor. I choose not to gain back the 125 pounds I lost. I choose to be fit and agile and not be stiff and old. Now that I know I'm addicted to sadness, I can choose to give that up too. I am Sarah. When I decide to do something, really make a commitment, it gets done.
Challenge today is to be in awe of our amazing and unexpected brains. Sometimes we are driven by forces we don't really understand. You probably didn't know your brain's pleasure drug was released when you listen to sad music. Now you do. Maybe we ask the simple question when we find ourselves doing things or feeling things that are counter to what we want from life. "What am I getting out of this?" If you have a temper and find yourself yelling abusively at loved ones, question. "What am I getting out of this?" Maybe there is some kind of brain chemical release that yelling triggers. If you descend into self pity on a regular basis, ask yourself, "What am I getting out of this?" Something's going on for you to keep coming back to it like an old friend - it must feel good, like chocolates. Where we choose to let our thoughts land and what we dwell on may be something we need to take better ownership of. Just think. If we do a better job of stewarding our thoughts, nudging them out of old unproductive pattern thinking, it will free our minds to explore new, creative, exciting frontiers! We don't have to let our brain chemicals be in total charge - we have choices, even if, some days, it's hard to counter what our brain thinks it needs.
Peace,
Sarah
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