I'm reminded of the way Mozart brilliantly structures musical ensemble pieces where up to four singers will sing simultaneously and yet, they are singing entirely different words. This one might be bemoaning the loss of his love, another might be complaining about having to do housework, another might be musing about an upcoming holiday, while the fourth singer sings of the beautiful day. They are each on their own trip, totally oblivious to each other and yet sharing the stage at the same time. And we, the audience, take it all in - all at once, and amazingly it makes sense (because Mozart is a genius). The takeaway from that thought is that each day we are all encased in our own realities, following our own agendas, and yet we share the stage with the other characters in our lives. On good days we make music together. On bad days we screech at each other and the discord hurts our ears and even our souls.
Last night Helen and Steve over for dinner before he leaves for Botswana at the end of the week. They've had a rough time - 6 deaths of loved ones in 2011. I joked that it might be hazardous to be their friend and certainly their relatives would seem to be at high risk! Rather than just send a condolence card I wanted to nurture them with a good meal and sympathetic conversation. The most recent death was Helen's mother in December (unexpected). So talk we did as we ate a wonderful kale, potato, chorizo soup that was just a hint spicy. We started with manchego cheese topped with membrillo (quince paste) and finished with what else, carrot cake. I can get obsessive and lately making carrot cake and continuing to tweak the recipe until there is nothing left to tweak has been an avid pastime. I think everyone in my immediate circle hopes for the day when I'll switch to something new. Mark wants me to perfect tiramisu. I'm thinking a four layer lemon cake, each layer drizzled with lemon syrup with a lemon curd buttercream frosting. And then there's Mario's favorite (and request) - red velvet cake which I so don't get. I just can't seem to muster any enthusiasm for what is essentially a plain white cake with only 2 TBS of cocoa powder and a whopping 2 TBS of red food coloring that just can't be good for you. Sigh. I'll make it, but under protest. I aim to please in the cake department.
My favorite chair masseur was at Whole Foods yesterday when I picked up ingredients for dinner. His name is Michael and he is a scary looking, eye-wandering Russian who adores me (probably because in the past I've tipped outrageously). When he looks at you, one eye focuses and the other just does its own thing which is really disconcerting. He smiles, looking at you with the one eye, and his mouth is brown, not white - not a white tooth in the bunch - total rot. I have to think he must be in pain. BUT, when he puts his hands on you and starts his little humming thing, it is pure bliss. Just by touching my body he knows what's been going on with me which is scary weird. When I worked on the US Cell project - 80 hours a week, he could tell I was beyond depleted and that my arms and neck were frozen from all the computer work. I haven't been to him in about six month. Yesterday he said, "You're not working hard these days?" (he was right - I'm between projects). Later he said, "There is such sadness. You've suffered a loss?" He knew just by touching me.
I've been thinking a lot about personal victories and keeping promises to myself - starting small with the whole character building thingy. Today I ruminated about the people I know and the challenges they face - their struggles. I thought about the excuses, the lapses, the rationalizations for not making progress on the important stuff that must be done for their lives to be healthy (physically, emotionally, financially, creatively). And don't get me wrong - I've got to be one of the biggest offenders - a true scofflaw on many fronts. I'm starting to think that we are too permissive with ourselves and each other - that we live in a culture of laxness. I hear people saying stuff like, "that's a battle I can't win", or "it's what I need", or "I just can't change", "it's just the way I am.", "I'm doing the best that I can" - when those kinds of excuses are voiced, we all nod our heads sympathetically and support the self-defeating statements.
So how's this for in your face? If you are a person who is not doing what you know you should be doing to have a worthy life - if you make excuses and cut yourself slack so that you're not taking on life's challenges, then you are person with weak character. Doesn't mean you can't fix it, but call it like it is. Own it. Not taking care of yourself means you are weak willed and low on personal character. Not striving for better relationships with the people most important to you (and yes it's hard) is an indictment of your character. Not being a good friend and citizen means you're one of the people who are just taking up space.
Challenge today. If the shoe fits, wear it - own it. Your weaknesses are not cute or endearing. You can do better. Today Sarah=bitch, but seriously think about working on giving yourself some private victories. As thinking humans with free will, we should not act like animals - just responding to stimulii. Be responsible, or as Covey says, "response-able" In everything, we can pause before responding and make enlightened and wise choices.
Peace,
Sarah
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