I had a wonderful time with my Aunt Jeanne this weekend - we packed in a whole lot of living. Friday, I was going to take her to Schaller's but good thing we called ahead 'cuz music was cancelled due to no patrons (I guess it was a big basketball night or something). We went, instead, to Maggiano's in the city and sat at the piano bar. Fun. Bob Salone reigns there - really good pianist and performer, and there were a handful of singers. I sang three tunes - did well. A funeral on Saturday (Dorothy's mother-in-law) and then a play on Saturday evening at The Raven. The Price by Arthur Miller. I took Jeanne and Mom's old friend, Peggy - the play was astounding. Sunday, made dinner and the girls came up, all in good spirits, and the tenants from downstairs. Great food - fajitas. We grilled marinated skirt steak then fried up a boatload of peppers of all kinds, tomatillos and onions - added in the grilled meat which was cut thin, cross-grain, and then topped it with fresh lime juice, cilantro and garlic. Served it all with warm tortillas, fresh guacamole, homemade salsa and sour cream. Sublime! Then for dessert I made a Grand Marnier dark chocolate fondue into which were dipped, pieces of pound cake, dried apricots, apples, pineapple, bananas, strawberries, blackberries and sumo oranges. It all went down easy with lethal Sangria (not vodka though! - still good to that commitment!).
What I love is putting on a relaxed meal where the food just unfolds out of the kitchen, seemingly effortlessly. Now and then, I give someone a chore (Mark grilled the meat. Jeanne peeled the paper off the tomatillos), but mostly I just enjoy working as people hang out, and because I'm a confident cook, there is never any worries. Food should be that way - well conceived, prepared with love and laughter and presented in a relaxed way.
Date tomorrow night. I know, I know, I said I wasn't ready to date yet. All my friends tell me to just give it a break. I've been going through the motions of meeting people with little intention of giving them a fair chance. And who's to say that tomorrow evening will be any different. One thing, and maybe it's sour grapes, but this weekend I realized that Patrick and I probably would not have been happy had we stayed together. There were cracks, fissures that, I think, would have widened in time. I realized this after talking with him last week. He was a huge help but there are communication issues between us that are seriously troubling and frustrating for both of us. It was liberating for me to realize this, realize that, if he wanted me back, I would have to say no unless things were very different.
So, the play, The Price.. Two brothers, a father, the stock market crash and a family ruined and force to live in an attic. The once powerful father was reduced to a zombie, sitting in a chair. The socialite mother vomited all over him when she realized they'd lost everything. The younger brother took off and didn't look back, went into the world to make his fortune. The eldest brother became a martyr and abandoned his dreams and took care of his parents, literally foraging for garbage to keep them alive. The play is set years later, the parents are gone, the brothers, older with children of their own. They finally reunite in the old attic of the house to sell the family possessions. Conflict. The brothers argue and defend their actions. It is revealed that the stories they have told themselves and others are not complete truths. Convenient truths but not fleshed out, accurate truths. The real truth, when it's revealed is ugly and hard to digest. It becomes less clear who the villains and victors are.
Most disturbing was the thought that, the family ideal of "all for one, and one for all" is often just an illusion. How deep is our love? How much are we willing to sacrifice for the people we love? How often do we appear to be acting selflessly when really it's our own self interest that is our real motive? And what is it about some families that really do operate with a "one for all, and all for one" mindset versus other families where selfishness is at the core?
I am learning to love my family in a proper way. It's taken too long, I know. I'm a slow learner. If I get this right, my girls will know they can completely trust me and count on me to do right by them. These days, they see the change, are gratified by it, but are, I think, suspicious of it. My new ways have not passed the test of time. Constancy is only something that can be proved over time. In due course, I hope they will believe in my steadfastness. It will be my life achievement - the flame of love for them that never falters, that they can count on and "take to the bank".
Corrupt, selfish parents must be the root of most evil in the world - it's the "gift" that keeps on giving, inter-generationally. In The Price, when disaster struck, the parents shrunk in on themselves and protected their own self interest at the expense of their children. The father let his son sacrifice himself and scrounge for food while he sat possessively on $4,000 - literally in the chair cushions. That $4,000 could have been used to create a future for all of them Instead, he horded it and sacrificed his children.
The challenge today could be giving thought to your own family unit and your own bottom line. Fathers, mothers, daughters, sons - you are one or more of these things. How important are these relationships? (and there is no right answer). If you're honest, is your family an "all for one and one for all" unit, or are you individuals loosely connected without the safety net of each other? Do you love someone so much you would give your life for them? Are you, in turn, loved that deeply? Do we have the right to expect that much fidelity? I'm starting to suspect that, in good families, there is a sense that every family member, whether they like each other much or not, would fight to the death for each others' survival - that a good family unit is inviolable. And sad when we come from a family that never got it right. It's the ultimate loss. The good news is that it may not be too late to change it.
Peace,
Sarah
Picture is a horrible picture of me, but great of the girls. I had been toiling in the kitchen, no make-up, hair a disaster, but it captures us and the happiness of the evening. We are special, yes?
No comments:
Post a Comment