Human Human/Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

Hmmmm...reading, The Most Human Human and probably just in time.  I can't tell you much about it yet - just about 50 pages in, but it's an amazing read and has my human brain spinning.  The premise is that the writer participated in a contest of sorts,  Here's a description:

Named for computer pioneer Alan Turing, the Tur­ing Test convenes a panel of judges who pose questions—ranging anywhere from celebrity gossip to moral conundrums—to hidden contestants in an attempt to discern which is human and which is a computer. The machine that most often fools the panel wins the Most Human Computer Award. But there is also a prize, bizarre and intriguing, for the Most Human Human.

Yesterday was destabilizing and my iron will of late just went poof.  Despite my resolve when I wrote the blog yesterday, I didn't get the day back on track, didn't take the long walk with the dog, didn't eat well, didn't feel good about myself.  Sarah=C- yesterday.  What WAS good (and yes let's focus on that) is that I had a great conversation with Elizabeth - she is really an interesting, amazing person and I'm proud to call her my daughter. I got a few books that prove to be great reading (I'm always happy reading).  Liza, James and I went out after the writing group and I didn't drink even though I had thrown most everything else to the wind, and I didn't send any pathetic texts or e-mails which I can do when I feel myself spiraling down.

So I guess that makes me a human human right?  Stumbling?  I hate that I broke promises to myself and yet I would be a robot if I didn't falter sometimes.  What would I tell a friend or an employee if they messed up and had to come to me with an admission of a broken commitment?  I would be impressed they owned up to the transgression and took responsibility for it.  I would expect them to apologize and assure me they felt it was just a lapse - their goals were still intact and they intended to move forward with resolve (notice I didn't say they promised to never mess up again!).  I would forgive them of course.  That is the conversation I'm having with myself today.  Get up.  Brush yourself off.  Forgive yourself.  Keep moving forward with love and compassion for your own efforts. Today 10,000 steps for sure, meeting work commitments, eating well, meeting the needs of the day.

Last night, writing group - the group that Liza, James and I formed back in August.  We were supposed to have had a full house - there was actually a waiting list since we capped attendance at twelve.  It must have been the lure of the weather, because only one person, in addition to us, showed up!!!  That was unnerving!  But we always said, even if there were meetings where it was just us three, we would still have a blast and write.  So yeah.  I was the prompt leader last night and I threw down three ideas that we each wrote for 15 minutes about.  I think I did OK especially given my black mood.

Prompt#1 - Write about a childhood crush - real or fictional.

His name was Peter Peterson.  I wondered if he had a son some day and he named him Peter, would the boy's name be Peter Peterson Peterson?  He would, after all, be the son of the son of Peter.  When I wasn't thinking about his name and what we would name our own children (and it did occur to me to further the tradition and name any daughters Sarah Sarahdaught, or something like that), I was scheming how to be alone with him. 

Mrs. Downey was an old meanie.  She and her obedient husband, Fred, ran the little kindergarten called Harborside Day School - no one remembered a time before the Downeys.  All I remember of old Fred was the little half-pint cartons of milk he fetched us daily for snack time.  He seemed good at never being around.  Mrs. D., on the other hand, was everywhere at once which, in retrospect, was impressive given her enormity.  Nothing escaped her which was why I spent a lot of time scheming about how Peter and I could slip away. 

The Plan - developed.  Bad kids were sent to the coat closet.  We would be bad, or to be more precise, I would be be bad and get Peter in trouble with me - he stiill didn't know he loved me too. 

The Game - appropriately named "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater."  All the children sat in a circle on the tile floor.  Mrs. D. drew a large circle with white chalk - the pumpkin.  She then chose a good girl to be the bad wife and sit captive in the pumpkin until her husband released her from her shame.  We chanted, "Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, had a wife and couldn't keep her.  He kept her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well."  Then the chosen boy entered the circle and released his bad wife from her captivity - we clapped our approval.   

The Disruption.  One day as we got to the end of the chanting, I grabbed unsuspecting Peter and sat him in my lap.  I lifted my smock and tucked him under it.  Mrs. Downey shrieked to see the tiny boy inappropriately  under my dress.  She banished only me to the coat closet where I wept in shame and frustration - my plan foiled. 

The Redemption.  Later, Peter Peterson proved his love for me.  We made raisin tarts by cutting squares of paper and glueing them together and stuffing raisins between the two layers...yumm.  Solemnly, without a word, Peter gave me his.  I threw my arms around him sending the tart flying, stuffed him under my smock and marched him around the room triumphantly.  Mrs. D. was not amused.

There are some who say the reason poor Peter had to lock up his wife was because she constantly cheated on him - he wasn't the only one eating her "pumpkin"!!  The pumpkin shell is code for chastity belt.  By belting up Mrs. P, Peter was able to keep her from wandering.  The reason for today's picture which I found by Googling "pumpkin vagina"! I'm giving thought to a new business venture - pumpkin decorated chastity belts. Thinking, given the current reproductive political climate, the timing is perfect.   I bet I could get cheap advertising air time on Rush Limbaugh's radio show!

This post is getting long so if I'm of a mind, I'll post the other two stories tomorrow.  The other two prompts were compelling.  Prompt#2  Someone died.  There is a funeral.  You go even though you shouldn't.  Prompt#3.  Write a piece where food is a main character.

Challenge today is to keep your forward momentum while realizing you are after all a human human and that you will have less than perfect days.  Find the right balance of forgiving yourself but not cutting yourself so much slack you thwart progress.  Hard, right?

Peace,
Sarah