Synchronicity. When I tell you what happened yesterday, you will, like me, be amazed that it happened on the heels of yesterday's post about possessions. It's time for Sarah to walk the walk. Do her pretty words have substance?
A rare variety of sapphire, known as a color changing sapphire, exhibits different colors in different light. Color change sapphires are blue in outdoor light and purple under incandescent indoor light; they may also be pink in daylight to greenish under fluorescent light. Some stones shift color well and others only partially, in that some stones go from blue to bluish purple. While color change sapphires come from a variety of locations, the gem gravels of Tanzania is the main source.A heavy gold ring with the special color changing sapphire, flanked by two unusual green sapphires. I have adored wearing this ring in the past year - my hands are thinner with the weight loss and it fits perfectly and is stunning.
I suspected foul play and noticed that a glass heart, friend Pat gave me from a trip to Venice, was missing its gold chain. A look in my jewelry box confirmed additional theft. Both of my wedding rings were missing as well as my Joe Frisbie father wedding ring - the only thing I have of his, a treasured item. And then the crushing realization that my great grandmother's gold locket was also gone. I was given the locket as a young girl and uncharacteristically, I took really good care of it. I remember sitting in boring classes playing with it, opening and closing it. I remember in Biology putting it under the microscope and marveling at the fine workmanship. It had a tiny diamond - I was amazed to own a diamond. I knew even then, age 10 or so, that I would shepherd the necklace to the next generations. I have always envisioned handing it down to a granddaughter with stories of its origin. It is the only family heirloom I have - had.
Today, tears and sadness. The biggest financial loss was the sapphire ring, but the crushing blow is the loss of the family heirloom items. Today I'm reeling from the loss, sad beyond words to be the recipient of such cruelty. I feel violated...someone was in my bedroom, my sanctuary going through my things, taking my things. I have theories of who is responsible which I won't share here. Suffice to say, the biggest loss of all is not a material loss.
One good thing. For some inexplicable reason I had hidden my gold and emerald earrings and an opal ring that I've been safeguarding for Elizabeth. Not sure why those two items were given special treatment - they are special but no more than the wedding rings and the locket. Kicking myself for not hiding everything. And the necklace that Patrick gave me at Christmas, my most treasured possession, was not taken. Weird - it was right out in the open, as if someone knew the loss of that would reduce me to rubble - someone who knew me well and was only 9/10ths heartless.
Today, I will strive to keep my balance and perspective. I won't minimize the loss - tears are appropriate for a bit. I won't overreact - they were after all just things, but I am also reevaluating my home situation, who lives with me, what it's fair for me to expect. I'm feeling under siege. I should be able to feel secure and relaxed in my home, my bedroom especially. I've been generous and open and welcoming to all and now I'm feeling like I've got to tie up my camel. I hate breaches of trust. I've always said, if you trust people, they give you their best. It's a better way to live, being trusting. It brings out the good in everyone. I guess the shadow side of that is that, from time to time, you will get burned. It's a choice the trusting person makes. Naive maybe, but it's how I've chosen to live.
I could go two ways right now. The first way is to pull up the drawbridge and put a moat around myself - I'm tempted to do that, feeling the need for protection. The second way is the Aslan (Jesus) way (remember the Narnia books?). I am taking blow after blow as if it's a test to plumb the depths of my love, as if someone doesn't really believe in the constancy of my heart. In the final chapter of Narnia, Aslan refuses to fight his enemies. He is trussed, tortured and mutilated on a sacrificial alter - humiliated and killed slowly. He refuses to fight back (he could have wiped them out with one swipe of his powerful paws), forgives them, dies and then comes back to life to rule again. Don't worry. I'm not comparing myself to Jesus or Aslan. Just that there's a lesson there - laying down the weapons, loving still, even when you're taking blows, refusing to return blow for blow. Surrendering. Defusing your enemy with love.
Today Sarah is so confused. Tears, lots of tears.
No challenge. Just listen and care.
Peace,
Sarah
Sarah, This is an aching violation and loss.
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