Staying Moderate/Steady Eddy

Backlash.  Was it suspicious that I was so "chill" with yesterday's events?  As if I was watching things happen to someone else?  I think they call that dissociation.  Last night a text to Kaveh saying no to stopping therapy - I have and am enduring too much loss already.  And really, what was he thinking?  Was he just testing the waters?   Maybe he was trying to shake things up to get me unstuck, but losing the person whom you depend on for your sanity seems ill advised when you are going through hell and haven't emerged on the other side yet.  It's as if Sam had endured the epic journey with Frodo only to leave him at the entrance to Mount Doom and not be there for his most arduous task, destroying the One Ring.  Kaveh, you are not allowed to leave me - not yet.

This morning, the blind leading the blinder.  My little one is in trouble - a rudderless little skiff, floundering in the transition from childhood to adulthood.  She has exhausted everyone who would help her - so many resources given to that child and yet...still....she is my child and somehow, even in my depleted state, I'm digging down and finding I still have a bit more I can give.   We know from the book, Willpower, it's been documented and measured that two key attributes of people who express lifelong satisfaction are intelligence and self-regulation.   My daughter has the intelligence - she struggles with her will.   Now that I know it's not a moral failing to be weak willed, that it's a muscle you can build, I'm determined to help her build hers.  We talked about the book and where the typical pitfalls lie - why, when people make copious New Year's resolutions, they're sure to fail - willpower is a finite commodity and it needs to be exercised strategically.  So little steps for her - small expectations.   In bed during the week by 11PM, up at 7:30, making her bed, tidying her room, walking with me to the dog beach, and then to the office with me for one hour of work for which I will pay her $15 cash.  Then a mental break to restore her willpower and a snack to restore the glucose in her brain and then an hour of job search.   The rest of the day spent any way she wants.   We will do this day in and day out until it no longer tests her will, until it's a comfortable, hummy routine. Then she can take on the next challenge.  By January I hope she has enough self-regulation to successfully take a course load at the local community college.   We will, together, put the suggestions of the book to the test.

Tonight is the 2nd meeting of the Evanston Creative Writing Group.   We have 10 people coming which is great, given it's the start of the Jewish holidays and many of our members are Jewish.   I'm leading the prompts tonight which is something I've always ducked out of, my thought being I hate being in charge of things in my off time since I spend my work hours bossing people around.   But, given I'm one of the leaders of the group, my prompt slacking days are over!   Tonight the prompts will be:

•  Your GPS says, "You have arrived at your destination."   You are flabberghasted by what you see.  Write for 15 minutes in detail, describing the destination.   No plot, no characters, no dialogue.   Just description.    Your reader should be able to "see" what you are describing in vivid detail.
• Write a piece with pure dialogue, not even any "he said" or "she answered".   Two characters, each with a distinctive "voice".  One character is breaking some bad news to the other.
• Open a book (I'll bring books) to a random page.  Count 10 lines down on the l-h side of the page.  That is the first line of your piece.
• The last prompt will be write a piece based on the image at the top of this post.

My little one is going to prompt group with me tonight.   She is a talented lyric writer and while this may be a bit out of her comfort zone, I think it will spark her creativity.   And there's nothing to say she can't write song lyrics using these prompts.   One gal writes poetry.

I'm doing better.  Life is a bit bleak these days with the change of weather and the steady stream of rejections but I'm OK.   I have hope for the future which is what it's all about and every day there is something that gives me pleasure, even if it's a tiny thing.  This morning at the beach seeing my new friend Linda I told you about before.   She is coming to hear me sing at Petterino's with a friend on Monday and we will sit together.  And Judy Brubaker will join us, I'm sure!   She's back which is a huge relief - she was the toast of Provincetown this summer and said she couldn't walk 10' down the street without someone coming up to her to meet and congratulate her.   I'm so glad she is so with-it and accomplished at age 87....she's got aches and pains and she's obviously on the last stretch, but wow....what a dame!  What an inspiration!

My challenge today is staying moderate.....embracing the middle lane, not overreacting to things, getting stuff done, staying in the game.   Your challenge today could be doing the same.   It's not glamorous, being a Steady Eddy, but it's a good long term strategy.

Peace,

Sarah