Long weekend and I'm working on filling it with good experiences. Saturday, Weight Watchers (grrr..didn't lose) and then to the Farmer's Market to buy ingredients for ratatouille. It would be disrespectful to the late harvest not to make a perfect ratatouille and my ratatouille is heaven. If you've had it before you might have been underwhelmed with the dish, soupy summer vegetables stewed together, all tasting like each other - unremarkable. The way I make ratatouille takes hours. Right now I've cubed about a dozen eggplants and tossed the cubes with kosher salt to leech any bitterness and remove excess water. After about three hours I will rinse the salt away and press the cubes in towels to compress the air pockets and remove more water. Then the cubes will be tossed with olive oil and herbs and roasted in the oven. Same for the zucchini. While the zucchini and eggplant are roasting, I'll sweat sweet onions and garlic in a dutch oven to which I'll add perfect tomatoes - the kind you can only get this time of year, the kind that make your eyes roll back in your head. Add to that, the roasted vegetables, fresh Italian parsley, thyme, basil and freshly grated lemon zest. I'll make a huge batch and bring some to my tenant Mark who lives downstairs and I'll deliver care packages to a few friends. The memory of this ratatouille will sustain us through the winter. It's truly remarkable.
Dating again. This morning I had a "date" with a very nice man at Starbucks. It was quickly clear to me that we didn't click, but it was nice to meet someone new and spend an enjoyable hour and a half. He thought I was lovely and smart and that made me smile inside. I think I need more of that. And I have two more dates lined up for this week so the waves are washing over me. I am wide open right now, ready to experience just about anyone or anything. Having said that, I am not into casual encounters. I will have coffee with anyone, but that is as far as most of these fellows will get. Do you think I'm rushing this? Am I supposed to be just sitting with my loss for a while longer, suffering? Is it cruel to be dating again when my heart isn't yet completely free and clear? Or, do I need this to move on from him? Will I only be in the clear when I start to care for someone else? I wish someone wise would tell me.
Last night, a girls' night at my friend's house. She said, "Just come over for dinner. I won't make anything fancy." Liar. From the appetizer platter with roasted carrots, nuts, smoked salmon, humus and pita to the dinner itself - the most amazing eggplant parmigiana I've ever had (and that's saying a lot because my eggplant parmigiana is ambrosia), to her exquisite dining table set with fine silver and crystal with fresh flowers, she went out of her way. There were three of us - we were so different. My friend is affluent and happily married with grandchildren and a social calendar that would make you tired just to look at it. The other guest was a lovely woman in her 60s who dressed like a teenager (everything tight and black, lots of skin showing, 5" wedge heels). She was twice widowed and is looking for lightening to strike a third time - intent on finding someone special to spend the last chapter with. And then there was me, always a bit outrageous, opinionated, unexpected. It was a lovely evening and I like that I can spend time with people who are so different than me and yet find commonality. We all have something to offer each other.
I talked to Nick a few minutes ago - it's seven hours ahead in Germany so it was late for him. He and I are very close. We met at the Chicago Lyric opera about three years ago, when he sat next to me. We exchanged information and we've been talking for several hours a week since then. He really should be bold and chuck everything and come to Chicago and woo me - we have phone chemistry. I've told him as much to which he laughs and says we are just good friends. And yet...I know he loves me in his own way which will never amount to anything other than what we are today...and that's OK. It really is. Sigh.
Can you tell I'm wistful and listless? I'm struggling to be interesting. Sometimes you just have to keep putting one foot in front the other, fill your days with beauty, have a few nice conversations, enjoy the weather, drink espresso and watch the world go by....and wait.
The challenge today has to be about embracing the harvest. This is the time of year when the bounty is hard to keep up with. Soon we will be eating stews with root vegetables and the vibrancy and freshness of summer will be a thing of memory. We need to stock up on sunshine now - there is less than three weeks left of summer. We need to bask in it, eat it, admire the lengthening beautiful rays of the sun and store it in our bodies to sustain us for the next six months. If anyone wants my ratatouille recipe, just ask.
Peace,
Sarah
Picture is of the vegetables I bought on Saturday.
Do you think I'm rushing this?// Not in the least// Am I supposed to be just sitting with my loss for a while longer,suffering?/ABSOLUTELY NOT// Is it cruel to be dating again when my heart isn't yet completely free and clear?// Cruel to who? Or, do I need this to move on from him?//Yes without a doubt, unequivocally// Will I only be in the clear when I start to care for someone else?// Only if you accept the fact that what was, was. *Note: was here is past tense yes. It is not the be all nor the end all. What has come before was preparation for what is going on now, don't second guess it. Go with the flow. Time heals all,memories are OK// I wish someone wise would tell me.// Wise, I don't know, but from the heart I do know, If your not vulnerable in life you'll never figure it out (Love that is)
ReplyDeleteLove your candor, honesty, verve, Joie de vivre
Larry
Kudos for getting out there on the dating scene! I think (and no, I'm not the wise one you're seeking LOL) as long as you're honest to yourself and the dates, there's no cruelty at all. With any luck you'll at least have some great conversations, some friendships, and you'll be on your way to being open for the next love.
ReplyDeleteAnd I want your recipe!
Sarah darling...
ReplyDeleteI think it's terrific to slot a date here and there over coffee as you've done. My concern would (will) be when you meet and start singing and swooning and swooping through your life displacing your needs and wants with his. Hopefuly you've had enough of that for this year. I recall that after the last "big bad" breakup I was busily interviewing and dating potential husbands, and so messy that any actual contenders were rightly scared to the other side of the street. That said, the microdates, the simulation dating, the little coffees - they're good. Just be cautious when you find yourself toting an emotional U-Haul on the second date. And remember how vain & flakey most guys are, that there may not be many second dates, that's just the universe protecting you.
Oh - and I want some of that damn ed Ratatouille - there's been a dearth of food from you this past year and I'm starting to get slimmer.
(wink)
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ReplyDeleteRemoved an anonymous comment that I found harsh and unloving even if it was probably true....this is a place for me to feel positive and happy. If what I say has value to you, then linger here. If not, then don't...I am already my own harshest critic, please don't use my site as a venue to criticize me especially anonymously.....it is not helpful.
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