Tuesday today. Last night Petterino's in the theater district after an August break - I was the only female singer other than the hosts. I sang really well and got a compliment from the host, "Sarah, you just keep getting better and better!" That is gratifying. I sang The Man I Love and also Autumn Leaves first in French and then in English. Then a riches to rags relocation - after Petterinos I went to a seamier side of town to Tom Muellner's Pro Jazz Jam session. It's gotten really popular - I've been going since he started it when I was one of about five people. Last night, no less than 15 musicians showed up - the instruments: piano (of course), bass, drums, several saxes, trombone, trumpet, guitar, and cello - sometimes several of each. Tommy pisses me off because he no longer calls me up to sing. I think it's a passive aggressive thing since we were a number for a while. I'm not sure why I keep supporting him.
Kaveh says....(I talked to him on Tuesday mornings on the phone) that I keep coming back to people who have told me no as if you say, "Are you sure? Are you sure, you're sure? Just checking one more time - want to make sure you really meant no." My mother, Tommy and of course Patrick. I am incredulous over "no's" Ha! Even when I read a dating profile from a guy who said to only contact him if I was an African American woman, my reaction was to contact him and say, "Are you sure? I am Sarah, after all. You should really reconsider." Arrogant, right?
One nice thing...I sat next to a woman from Australia traveling for business. She was very happy to have found the Cabaret show and she loved my songs so of course I liked her even more! I asked her to join my posse and me this Friday at Schaller's Pump for what is sure to be a really fun and silly night - we've got a good group going. One worrisome thing is that I haven't seen Judy Brubaker lately. She is an amazing woman - you can Google her if you want. I met her at Petterino's as well - she is a regular singer there. Let me tell you about my amazing friend. She is a frail little 87 year old woman who walks with difficulty with a cane. When she is called to sing she minces her way up the stage and if you're seeing her for the first time, you are not sure what to expect...you feel sorry for her. When she takes the microphone the years fall away from her. She is active, energetic, forceful, commands her audience and her voice is gangbusters and SOO good. She sings the old standards the way they were meant to be sung. This summer she has been in Provincetown, where she goes every year for a summer-long singing gig. She should have been back by now. Her back story is that she was a Hollywood starlet, a Paramont girl with a star on her dressing room door. She starred in movies with Shirley Temple, Clifton Webb and was a peer of Marilyn Monroe and Debbie Reynolds. She starred in an awful movie called Untamed Women that in recent years won the Golden Turkey award for one of the worst moves ever made! The role of Miss Lynch in the musical Grease was written for her. Her stories are wonderful. She spent the night with Marlon Brando and she tells a very funny story about when she turned down the sexual advances of Marlena Dietrich. If that isn't enough she has made her living in recent years doing museum quality furniture restoration and she even had her own restaurant. Oh, oh, and she paints and made me the most beautiful painting of a Cape Cod landscape - dear to me since I grew up there. Of course I worry...she is 87 and she is not back. I will miss her terribly if something happened to her.
Today, I trudged to the dog beach, did the whole walk including stopping at the exercise stations as I usually do and doing the fitness thing. It is a gorgeous day - really a gem of day and maybe one of the last, and yet I had no smiles for anyone. I didn't walk shoulders back and head high as I have of late. It was a feet-looking slouchy morning with no eye contact. Even the lake seemed apathetic today. There was no excitement to the surf - waves yes, but anemic ones that seemed to lap the shore disinterestedly. Even the dogs seemed to be hard pressed to find their usual level of enthusiasm for each other. Joey is really good with all dogs but he is still puppyish and he can be a bit rumble tumble for some of the smaller dogs. I got glares from the little dog owners and I glared back as if to say, "He's a dog for Christ-sake! This is not a tea party! If your sorry little dog can't cut it, get him off the beach!" Grrrr....
Today my challenge is maintaining momentum in the face of ennui - feels like swimming in molasses. Despite the beauty outside it is an uninspiring day in my head - the day lacks passion of any kind. What do we do when we feel like a black and white photograph, here but not really here? Is there some mental exercise we can do to engage? I suspect we just wait it out....fulfill our obligations and wait for something good to happen. Your challenge could be Googling Judy Brubaker and "meeting" my wonderful friend! It could also be getting outside today to cherish the beauty of this remarkable day. Me? I am going to repeat Colette's quote to myself many times today in order to convince myself, "What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner!" or to put it in the present tense, "What a wonderful life I am having! Realize it now, not later!" Do you think if I say this enough times I will believe it?
Peace,
Sarah
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