Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be
Oh Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee
That Monday evening you would still be here with me.
June 13th was a Monday. Today, wow...chilly, unfriendly out there, a day that's hard to love! I've got a good head of steam, divesting stuff, shutting some doors, maintaining forward momentum even though every single thing I do is thwarted in some way. Does that happen to you? My niece's birthday Thursday. Need to get a present, trip to Barnes and Noble- check. Need wrapping paper and a card - no paper at B&N so a special trip to the Hallmark Store - check. Needs wrapping - search for the tape, can't fine it, then find it - Check. Need to make a label - the computer that the printer is hooked up to is not functioning - troubleshoot it for 15 minutes - Check. Go to print the label - the black toner in the printer is depleted - special trip to Office Depot for more toner - Check. Missed the mail, special trip to the post office - Check. Hard to maintain forward motion when every single step along the way there is stuff in your way!!! And that is JUST one tiny action item that needs accomplishing today. Multiply that by 100 and you will feel my pain! And yet, there is no substitute, right? What's the alternative? Just giving up and saying, "No present for Angela this year - I'm just too weary to make the effort." Nah.
Tonight singing at Petterino's and potentially meeting Arthur for the first time. Nervous. I'm not going to write much about him here because I'm feeling private about him. I have a feeling he could be very special to me and I don't want to publicize the relationship if it's going to be something long term. I'll give you tidbits now and then. One thing I find uncanny. We talked and he mentioned driving in the country and enjoying the sights, especially a pumpkin patch he passed. I waxed poetic about how much I love the orange of a pumpkin patch and he said, "Are you serious?" I was. He then told me orange has always been his favorite color ever since a child, that he is known for loving orange, that he even has a limited edition orange car (he won't tell me what kind because he worries that I already think he's a snob). I told him that orange was my favorite color as a child - I painted my bedroom bright orange. I fell out of orange as an adult, but just within the last few years as I've come out of my cocoon, I started to love it again and I remember saying delightedly to myself a few years ago, "I love orange again!" - as if it were a long-lost friend. I'm thinking there is a lot to love about a man who still retains the passions of his youth and feels fiercely about something like having a favorite color. Damn we are so much alike! I asked him what his second favorite color was and he said (of course) purple, to which it was my turn to say, "Are you serious?" And we both agreed purple and orange are an amazing color combination. My wedding china is orange and purple and just last week I bought orange and purple fall pansies. In the fall, I pluck tired things from my flower boxes and plug in pansies - if the fall is mild they will sometimes bloom all the way to Christmas.
Today I've decided to trust my head and ignore my heart. It's like the classic angel and devil on my shoulder, they both chatter at me throughout the day. I've been governed by my heart of late and it's led me down a bad path, a path of never-ending pain and inertia. My heart is a false adviser these days. I can't shut it up, but I don't have to do what it says. I can even be tender with it and say, "I know you still love him, but you can't do...(fill in the blank)." My head chatters at me just as much as my heart but I mostly ignore it these days, despising its practical advise. This morning, final items gathered and mailed back to him, even the precious shirt. Heart: "Keep it, you need to have something of him. You need to remember what he smelled like. DO NOT give it back!!!" Head: "If Heart was right and knew what was best for you, you would be feeling better by now. Don't listen to him. Do what you know is healthy. Do the hard thing and you will be free." Heart: "Please, don't listen to him. One more deep smell. You need to remember him!" Head: "Shut up Heart. You're pathetic. Sarah, buck up and do the right thing." And so the struggle goes.
My challenge today is putting one foot in front of the other, and trying to Live Well. Being busy and productive, listening to my head, getting stuff done, NOT getting derailed by the incessant obstacles to progress. I will act like an ant and move the anthill one grain of sand at a time. Your challenge today could be thinking about what you feel passionately about, remembering what animated you as a child. Are you still on fire with life, brimming over with enthusiams like you were then? Do you have a favorite color? Do you love that about yourself, that, even though you are a responsible adult, you still retain the intensity of your youth? If, on the other hand, you shed your childhood dreams and passions and you are now living by rote, be worried! Take corrective action! We are not just worker drones! We need a daily dose of things that inspire, like the color orange.
Peace,
Sarah
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